You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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