Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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