we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize