I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
