On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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