To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
