I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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