My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude i'm inner monologue high
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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