I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
