Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
