And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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