you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The ass gains better be worth it
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