I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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