when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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