It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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