If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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