Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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