we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
how drunk are you?
Several
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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