In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
