Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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