I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
