i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
