My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
