we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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