Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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