what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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