I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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