i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
