I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
