I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
