I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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