Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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