why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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