her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
