No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
