hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
