i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
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My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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