i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
