somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
