It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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