Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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