saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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