Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
