She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
