Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My vagina just clenched in fear
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
