I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
