Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
