I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
