Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
