A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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