I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
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We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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