Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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