Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
