It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
