she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You were trust falling into bushes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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