I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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