Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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