My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
