My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
