Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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