i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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