And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
