Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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