Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So apparently I’m into choking now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
