the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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