if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
