YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
